i want a kiss that would meant something, all the previous ones just were emotionless kisses filled with alcohol and sometimes it makes me feel worthless. so i just want to be meant for someone. that’s all.

sad?no no. disappointed? yeah.. a little.

all my life, i was the one who needed to tell and even shout people what i need. instead of people coming to me, offering to help me or even just ask: what do you need? I’m here for you. people are shitty and I’m just don’t have faith in them no more. 

it makes me frustrated, it makes me cry, thinking there is no one out there who can really understand. I’m just looking for that and I’m afraid that it will take me a lifetime.

if right now I’m having a really awful time it means, in the near future i’ll have a good time, and everything will be okay for once? please. 

without sounding dramatic i just don’t know myself anymore. I’m so confused.

im just really out of my game lately. 

i need to stop having those dreams when I’m pregnant there. its creepy. it happened to me today for like the 3rd time. by the way, every time i was pregnant i was scared and i didn’t want to have the baby, i would freak out and just not open my legs cause i want to keep him there. i know. I’m weird. 

Omg. we run over a cat. i feel so bad right now i kind of want to cry. its our fault. every time i’ll be near the place we run over her i will know I’m responsible for it. why?! why that happened?!GOD WHY?!. we didn’t mean to, it was all an accident. and she was pretty. and i feel so bad.

Sometimes when I lay awake in my bed at 4 am (I’m having some troubl sleeping lately) Im thinking of calling you. I know that you are awake at this hours and I know you wouldn’t have a problem knowing I’m awake and that wil talk. It’s so tempting. But I don’t want to seem desperate.the distance is still the same distance, remmber?